Truth

I’ll gladly die at 20 if the remaining months I have were cleared of all illness no migraines, nothing, and I had a bit of money, I would not spend a single day sitting on my sofa. Life would be what it once was, easy.

Life.

I have no clue where my life is going, don’t know what I want to do, I don’t have enough passion to go for anything it seems. Don’t know where I’m gonna be in 1 year, 2 or 5 and I hate it. I’m sitting here on my bed at 3:23am on a Wednesday night. Listening to Eminem, Lose Yourself is the first song I picked and it just got me thinking about my life, truth be told Im fucking pissed right now as I just got a bad beat on poker losing money that I’ve built up for months and now it’s gone. I’m so stupid. I won $150 dollars tonight and then lost it all because I thought I should play with my whole bankroll in a head ups game which any poker player will tell you is the worst thing you can do and then to get rivered just makes me feel even worse, I don’t know why I did it. Which is why I even started this post… I’m rambling on but I just need to write this shit down. I have no money right now which sucks, and what sucks even more is when everyone tells you to go back to work but the problem you left for isn’t fixed its pointless. I don’t even wanna talk about my migraines because I would be here for hours, sigh. I just don’t know what to do with anything anymore, I wish I could just be a guy who goes to space, I wouldn’t care about anything, no money worries I’ll just get to explore. 20 this year, which is depressing, I don’t wanna grow up. Meh don’t even know why I’m typing this anymore I should just go to bed. Tomorrows just another day without any money. I could talk about music, my weight, my fears, my girlfriend, all things that are always on my mind but what’s the point? Maybe I’ll be up at 3am again soon and this is what I’ll be doing but yeah. This was fucking depressing.

Peace.